On a whim [I allege], I recently requested the new Carly Simon biography, More Room in a Broken Heart. I didn’t actually intend to read it, I just meant to look through it to see if my impression of Mrs. Simon, mostly based on a quote I happened upon long ago, was accurate. Here’s the quote:

I was 11 when I went to see my first shrink. I’ve seen a number of different gurus … (I’ve done) TM, of course. I’ve gone to an astrologist; I’ve seen psychics; I’ve done carpentry workshops .. I’ve done bio-feedback, I’ve done hypnosis. It becomes habitual. It’s like what it says in the song: ‘She’s looking for a cure, she doesn’t exactly know what its for.’

Once opened, I could hardly put the book down. I made it through about 300 pages in 2 nights. It was embarrassing. I swear I could hear derisive laughter as I walked by my C.S. Lewis and Chesterton collection of garage sale paperbacks. What was next, I wondered, a People magazine subscription? Adding insult to injury, its not even supposed to be a good biography, one which focuses on the dysfunctional parts of her life.

The lady in the blue sweater is the look my brain registered for Mrs. Simon, back when my brain began registering such things. Poor Chesterton, his book patiently waits its turn, dependent solely on the force of his ideas. Meanwhile, other forces, registered long ago and with no apparent expiration date, jump the line.

If you see the mid-section of a male who recently underwent successful bypass surgery, the good news is that you are accurate.  The bad news is that your logical answer is a likely indicator of an under-utilized imagination.  [Please contact me for your Republican Presidential absentee ballot]. Imagination is a definite requirement for our purposes here.

If you see the remnant of sutures on the lower abdomen which remind you of Goldfish crackers, you at least show more imagination than the previous Republican. However, your answer also reveals an Oprah-esque appetite which makes this photo an eerie preview of how your own chest cavity might appear in the not too distant future.

What the subject of this photo saw when he peered down his chest was a reminder of God in the form of an Ichthys, the popular symbol of Christianity.

An over-active imagination? Perhaps. But our subject did not arrive at his perspective lightly or alone.

Far from alone, our subject’s perspective dovetails nicely with that advocated by the great Christian writer, G.K. Chesterton. Garry Wills describes Chesterton’s style:

… the representation of familiar things from unsuspected angles, under new lights of the imagination, that we might see them with the innocence of surprise.

Go figure. Part of maturing in the faith entails retaining, or recapturing, our imagination and innocence. As Jesus implored, becoming “like little children” [Mt 18:3].

Getting back to our photo. Are you child enough to look past the scar? To the Grace behind a second chance. Or to the miracle of medical advances, in that the surgery did not exist when our subject was born.

If not a God, can you sense a certain ‘magic’ in this world? If you can, that’s good enough for now. Chesterton himself was not always a believer. But he did always have a sense of magic in or about the world. That appreciation one day led him to wonder that if the world had magic, might it also involve a magician?

Click here for more quotes from a trio of Englishmen born in the 19th century whose talents have fueled many imaginations into the 21st.

Thanks to Anaut for agreeing to have the surgery in order to facilitate this blog post. Talk about taking one for the team. No point in asking a Wade-type.

Like almost all Miami Heat fans since 2003, I quickly became a big Dwyane Wade fan. As the franchise moved on from the Hardaway and Mourning era, Wade was a great surprise. While he was the 5th player taken in the draft, so were Jonathan Bender and Nickoloz Tskitishvili. Plus he was a shooting guard with no jumper. Everybody thought it at the time, so let’s just put it out there … Harold Miner.

A good rookie year was followed by a breakthrough 2004 playoff series against Indiana. This guy was different. He just might be great. Someone who embraced, and then came to personify, the mental toughness brand instilled by Pat Riley on the franchise. He didn’t even have visible tattoo’s, this guy was the anti-Iverson.

That was then. Today, Wade’s lack of hustle — in the playoff’s, playoffs! — even made it into an Ira Winderman column. Here’s what Wade’s game logs would look like if he got every call he acts as though he deserves [basketball gods must be wondering what they created during the 2006 Finals]:

Click to enlarge

Every Clippers starter had a negative ‘+/-’ and every Clippers reserve had a positive ‘+/-’

So how is the (latest) Artest criminal act not drawing the immediate attention of the Los Angeles police department?  Somewhere Kermit Washington must be wondering if he just threw his punch in the wrong era. The era with less valuable broadcast contracts.

Its incredulous that the only discussion about this vicious and cowardly assault involves the expected length of the suspension. No one is discussing the possibility of an arrest. Yes, an arrest. California indeed still prohibits one person from, unprovoked, hitting another person. Its called assault and battery. It’s a felony. And it was caught on national TV. Even Marcia Clark could get a conviction on this one.

As far as I know there is no immunity for criminal activity inside of the Staples Center. Does Staples Center technically qualify as an embassy [Buss rules?] as one of the perks for not relocating?  If Artest had clocked Harden at a club on the Sunset Strip, he most certainly would be locked up today. At an airport? Same result.

Yet there seems to be an unwritten immunity inside our American sports arenas. So, all I want is to clear up the rules.

And, if there is, does it apply to everyone inside the arena, or just the players?  If it’s a backup reserve player, is this unspoken immunity still in place, or just for the starters?

If a Lakers fan had hit a Thunder fan in the same fashion in the nosebleed section (pun fully intended) is that also immune from prosecution?  Or is there some sort of immunity for criminal activity that occurs in sports arenas as long as you are wearing an officially merchandised uniform and paying payroll taxes?

Diplomatic immunity grants a foreign country’s diplomats for crimes committed in the host country. As far as I know, Metta World Peace is not a diplomat, unless “uncontrollable rage” recently became a sovereign state.

So what gives?

Is the fact that the Lakers are in the hunt for going deep, perhaps even winning, the NBA playoffs a factor? What if the LA were tanking, would the DA consider charges then?

If this had been Perkins cold cocking Kobe, ending his season (if not career) would the LAPD still look the other way?

If Artest had pulled a knife, or gun, instead of a leveraged elbow, is still ok?

Its time our media, and our crime enforcement, manned up, got their celebrity lust under control, and took action. In our era of immediate video access on computers and phones, all of America is now aware of this awful episode. Granted, Artest is nuts. He likely has a serious mental problem. He has the right to use that apparent madness as a defense to the criminal charges that should be filed.

Does Harden need to be in a coma, or worse, for the police to act?

Artest has a well known history of beyond the pale behavior.  The clubbing of Harden was not “aggressive play.”  Anyone can see that.  This isn’t a “hard foul,” or “playoff basketball.”  Its just criminal activity dressed up in a salaried team uniform.

There is little difference between this and a gang banger, decked out in a Lakers #73 jersey, attacking a unsuspecting Thunders fan at an Ikea store. Is that ok?

Wichi

Link from the Greg Mankiw blog.

I never trust people’s memories, especially about anecdotal things like weather and how times have changed etc. But when change is quantified, as was done at the Asymco web site, the results are worth reflecting on.

So what’s the next item on that list? I don’t know about new technologies, but in the expanding tablet world, my friends in high [tech] places say virtual keyboards are virtually here.

H/T to Manny.

It was misinterpreted. What I mean in Spanish, when he asked me in Spanish, I was thinking in Spanish

Which of course raises the question in what language did Chicago sports writer Rick Telander speak to him in 2008 when he replied with the same answer:

And I asked him this: “Who’s the toughest man you know?”
His response, which took me by surprise: “Fidel Castro.”
Why?
“He’s a bull—- dictator and everybody’s against him, and he still survives, has power. Still has a country behind him,” Ozzie replied. “Everywhere he goes, they roll out the red carpet. I don’t admire his philosophy; I admire him.”

As someone who’s been a big Marlins homer, disliking the manager will be a nice change of pace.  How big a homer have I been?  I was upset when John Boles was let go.  At least once a day, I lament Jorge Cantu not getting to 30 home runs in 2008, which would have meant that the Marlins entire infield accomplished the feat, a first in MLB history. 

So back off or ‘marcha asi atrás,’ in case Guillen is having this read to him.

The Marlins corporate strategy is the obvious big loser here. The fact that most [all?] of the local media who make their living directly or indirectly reporting on the Marlins support Guillen staying may just be a reflection of their first-hand knowledge of the man, but the fact that their opinions align so neatly with their self-interest is a little too convenient.

Now that some Marlins fans have come to see Ozzie Guillen as an adversary, we need to prepare in case we find ourselves cornered by the powerful Babalao. Fortunately, at a recent Little Havana garage sale, I came a cross a wonderful research paper, ‘A Study of Divination within Santería, an Afro-Cuban Religion, as a Psychotherapeutic System’ by Lawrence J. Levy, M.S. While reading the paper, I alternately imagined myself as Guy Montag and Beldar Conehead. It was heady stuff. Literally.

A core Santería belief is the following:

The seat of the soul is the head, and therefore to strengthen the ‘Orisha’ that lives in the head of every human, it must be fed a mixture of grated coconut, honey, and cocoa butter. This mixture is placed on the head and then covered by a white hat or kerchief. The process is called ‘rogación de la cabeza.’

Bang, there it was, our defense kit.

But first I had to get the thought out of my head that if Orel Hershiser had been given the ‘Orisha’ nickname instead of ‘Bulldog,’ he would be in Cooperstown today. Talk about an intimidation factor. Heck Tommy Lasorda, who gave him the Bulldog nickname, spent a lot of time in Cuba, why couldn’t he … I digress.

Never have to say you’re sorry to the neighborhood Babalao again

But knowing the ingredients for Babalao survival wasn’t enough. How to mass produce them and have them available at critical moments? Enter late night infomercials. I just want to note two things. The ingredients in the Glossy Locks shampoo are exactly what is needed to protect our inner Orisha’s and you don’t have to enter a botanica to obtain it. ‘Nuf said.

More Santería fun facts to know and tell from the research paper:

• Santería is the popular name for the Afro-Cuban religion more formally known as Regla de Ocha or Regla Lukumi. It evolved from the religions practiced by Yoruba people, from what is now Nigeria, taken to Cuba as slaves in the 19th century.
• Santería has no mixing of Catholic beliefs, only a use of Catholic symbolism to mask the African religious, as a protective camouflage.
• In order to preserve their religion,various Orisha began to be associated with various Catholic Saints. That way, the African could continue to venerate their deities behind the mask of Catholic symbolism. Festivals and public performances in honor of various Orisha were moved to be on the same date as the feast day of popular saints. So, Sango, because he was represented by the color red and carried a wooden ax and was a king became associated with Santa Barbara whose iconography included a sword, a red robe, and a castle.
• Live animals are presented [i.e. slaughtered] to the new initiate to “absorb the sins of the initiate.”
• A botanica is a store in which herbs, plants, candles, palm oil, white clothes, live animals and other items used in Santería are sold. Often spiritual readings and divination are done in Botanicas, also.
• Being “presented to the room,” and “presented to the drums.” The former is the ritual in which one’s godparent formally brings the initiate to the initiation of someone else, and confers upon them the right to work in rituals. The second is the formal introduction to the drums, and gives permission to attend ritual drummings, called Bembes.
• Divination is usually conducted in the house of the Santero, either at a table, or with the client sitting on a chair or stool, and the diviner sitting on a straw mat. The diviner then removes the shells from a small bag, selects 16 from the 21 that are in the bag, and moves them in a circle while saying a prayer called the Moyuba.
• Misa Espiritual refers to a spiritual mass, or what could be called in English, a Seance. Seances became popular in Latin America during the 1850s and 1860′s in parallel to the spiritist movement started by the Fox sisters of New York, in the United States. The Misa Espiritual is not strictly speaking a part of Santería, but is widely practiced by Santeros.
• Certain elements of the Misa Espiritual resemble Gestalt therapy techniques. Finally, my hero, William F Buckely’s admonition to never exchange Gethsemane for Gestalt hits home.

Update on April 10: Rick Telander with the Chicago Sun-Times reveals that Guillen made very similar comments about Fidel Castro back in 2008. So anyone arguing that his comments don’t reflect his beliefs, would be relying on something other than logic.

But I regret writing that Guillen was now “my enemy” in the original blog post. Too strong a word for the likes of a baseball manager, or an accountant for that matter.

I don’t believe the apology.  I don’t believe the PR cleanup efforts.  I do believe that Guillen’s comments had an intention.  I do believe that he was putting Cuban-Americans on notice.  I do believe that the same sort of brain which embraces Santería is more than capable of admiring Fidel Castro.  Ozzie Guillen is a friend of my enemy, so he is now my enemy.

I see it as a duty never to lose sight of the fact that the colorful Venezuelan is also a Castro “admiring” Santero.  I doubt this sentiment towards Guillen, especially in Little Havana, the new home of the Miami Marlins in case you haven’t heard, would make me unique.  But I do think I’m in a unique position [no readers or advertisers to worry about offending] to dispel some of the rationalizations which will attempt to suggest that Guillen misspoke when he volunteered his admiration for Fidel Castro:

1. He can’t really admire Castro since “he has lived in Miami for 12 years.” — Miami has a very diverse Spanish speaking population. As in any other diverse community, there are rivalries and resentments among the different nationalities. As the first group to immigrate, the largest and most established, Cuban-Americans are a natural target for resentment. What is the best way to thumb your nose at Cuban-Americans? You speak well of a dictator and regime that has caused them [us] great pain. It’s a no-brainer. Which makes it an even more likely a tactic by a Santero.
2. There is another word for “statements without intention.” — Beliefs.  Besides I believe that Guillen did have an intention with his comments.  He was putting Cuban-Americans in their [our] place and marking his territory.  Saying that about Castro sends the message, ‘I don’t care if it is Miami, I’m Ozzie and I don’t hold back, even [or especially] for you guys.’
3. Read Guillen’s ‘denial’ carefully.  “I’m against the way he [Castro] treats people and the way [he has treated] his country for a long time. I’m against that 100 percent,” he said.  I can interpret that to mean that Castro had the right idea, but stumbled in the implementation.  That sentiment can co-exist with his admiration for his staying power.  Given Guillen’s background, beliefs and education, it’s a mistake to look for an intellectual rationale in anything he says.  But sending messages?  He’s all about that.
4. Recall that Guillen was critical of the anti-communist community in Miami which voiced its displeasure with Magglio Ordonez during the World Baseball Classic in 2009.
5. Temperamentally, admiring Castro would be consistent with someone who liked Hugo Chavez, as Guillen did in 2005.  He has since come around on Chavez, in part I assume because of the damage done to his country, Venezuela.  But since Guillen has no skin in the Cuban game [until now], the Castro admiration likely didn’t merit a similar reconsideration.  Again, no one ascribes actual thinking to any Guillen thoughts. He’s merely thumbing his nose at a rival Latin community in the most flippant manner possible.
6. Still in the background, I expect this rationalization to gain steam during the week.  Guillen was drunk.  In an unrelated [to date] story, it was reported that Guillen is so frequently drunk on the road that it actually is seen as a positive in terms of his social skills.  Hey isn’t Miguel Cabrera a babalao too?  If Santería ever needs a sponsor, can I suggest Budweiser?

The Sun-Sentinel’s Dave Hyde posed the key question, “Can Ozzie get away with saying even this?” I hope not.  But if he stays, I hope fellow Marlins fans, especially those of us who have views about Cuba which are more heartfelt than those of the drunken Santero, will communicate our enmity towards Guillen whenever possible.  And let’s keep in mind that in order to truly earn Guillen’s admiration, it should be an enmity without an expiration date.

Here’s another thought. Having caught up to Frank Haith, did Karma catch up with Loria and Samson during the eternal cart ride with Ali on opening day?